An Open Letter To My Husband

First, I want to tell you how much I love you. All of you. Every broken, shattered, beautiful, emotional, strong, caring part of you.

These past few years have been tough. We have definitely lived out our vows...in sickness and in health, for richer and for poorer, in good times and in bad.

I get angry sometimes.

Angry with Logan for taking his life. And with myself for not being able to stop him.

Angry with the PTSD that has tried so hard to break your spirit. And sometimes with you, because I don't have anywhere else to direct my hurt.

Angry with people. Sometimes I feel like the people I counted on the most have just let us down and I feel lonely.

Angry with God. I don't understand why everything seems to be a struggle and how He can watch us struggle over and over.

Sometimes I hide. I hide from all of the things that hurt and the things that just seem too hard.

Sometimes I feel neglected and alone in our marriage. I know that this is part of the recovery process in PTSD, but it still hurts.

I expect a lot from you, and that is not always fair or reasonable, but I do it anyways.

I suck at housekeeping. There is nothing further to say about that.

But at the end of the day....I love you. I still take our wedding vows as seriously today as I did when we were married over 17 years ago. I know we had our doubters, and probably rightfully so. But, I am in this until the end. I will not quit. I will not stop. I will love, honor and obey you until the day I draw my last breath.

Love you forever,
Meri