Choose Joy

Our family has been through a lot of changes in the past 18 months.  Job changes, moving, health issues, and much more.  Through these changes, we have recognized that God is refining us.  Pruning us so that healthy fruit may be brought forth.

One of the main areas our family needs to work on is the environment in our home.  Rick and I have long recognized that we struggle in this area.  We strive to have a home full of joy and laughter, a safe place where our children can be honest and transparent.  The reality is that the stress of these past few months has permeated every aspect of our lives, including our home environment.  Stress and anxiety translate into short tempers, unrealistic expectations and tension between husband and wife, parents and children, and siblings.

Now that we have made some major changes in our lives-moving to a smaller home, changes in the home dynamics, etc.-we have determined that we need to focus on the emotional health of our family.  I sometimes hear my children remark that they wish our family was like "that family" (one they see on TV or somewhere else), so I started researching families I identified as "happy" and looking to see what the differences were between them and us.

I found several areas that we need to improve on, but after much prayer and discussion we narrowed it down to 2:

CHOOSE JOY

and

LOVE IS EVERYTHING

Every day, every moment, we are presented with a choice.  We can choose to react to situations that arise during our day in one of 2 ways-joy or not joy.  It is really quite simple.  Choose joy.  In every situation, look for the joy-for the positive.  See the glass as half-full.  It is a choice, we are not required to be victims of circumstance.  God has given us the ability to choose how we react to those circumstances of our lives, not be defined by them.  So whenever one of us seems to be struggling with attitude-we work to remind that person to choose joy!

Besides choosing joy each and every day and each and every moment, we have identified the one true thing that is the root of all happiness, all joy and what makes a family stay together-LOVE.

Love is everything.  Love is the gospel.  God's love, Christ's love, our love.  It all comes back to love.

The family home is the first place our children learn about love.  This is their first encounter with the love of Christ.  Parents are the first people to show their children how to love and how the love of Christ is a life-giving, life-saving love.

In the midst of anger and frustration, arguing and yelling-stop.  Remind yourselves that love is everything and the only important thing.

No matter what we do-educate, discipline, teach, train-with our children, if we do it without love, it is worthless.  Faith is nothing without love.  Gifts are nothing without love.  We are nothing without love.

Blessings,

Meri

Throwback Thursday #tbt

So today is the popular "throwback Thursday" #tbt on social media.  I usually forget about posting anything until it's too late, but today I had some old pictures at my disposal so on to Instagram and Facebook they went.

As I search the album I took these from for just the perfect pictures, I am struck by what a blessed life I have had.  That blessed life is certainly a gift from God, but is in no small way also due to the tireless efforts of my wonderful parents.

As I get older and watch my own children grow, I find new reasons each day to be so very thankful for Ed and Sandi Mitchell.

Don't get me wrong, we are not a perfect family.  I am certainly far from a perfect daughter.  My parents are not perfect either (gasp!).  I believe one of the reasons I recognize the value of what they have given me and done for me is that I know what the alternative could have been.

For those of you who do not know, I was adopted.

It was a familial adoption (which in some ways was simpler and some ways much more complicated).  I was adopted by my biological mother's sister and brother-in-law.  I have always known, there were no secrets in our family.  From a very early age I recognized that Momma and Daddy were and would always be my "real" parents.  There was no question about that.  My relationship with my biological parents was more complicated, but never for a moment did I feel unloved or unwanted.

What I quickly recognized as I grew up, especially after I was married and became a mother, was that my parents gave me an amazing gift.  They took me from a life that would likely have been filled with struggle and left me lacking for many things and they gave me a life filled with love, joy and opportunity.

We had our share of trials and struggles, don't get me wrong.  As a teenager, I could be......difficult.  There were complicated and challenging emotions to deal with.  Even in the most open, amicable adoption situations, there are messy and complicated feelings that arise. 

And I haven't always appreciated the gift.

Now that I have children of my own, I can recognize the value of this beautiful gift of adoption that God blessed me with.  I better understand what it is to love a child so very deeply that it physically hurts.  I better understand the sacrifices a parent is willing to make for their child.  I am immensely grateful that my parents chose to shower me with their love and support.  I know now that they prayed for me.  They sought God's face in the struggles of infertility and rejoiced at His provision through adoption.

I am also reminded that my earthly adoption is a beautiful picture of God's love for His children.  Just as biblical marriage is a picture of Christ's love for His bride (the church), earthly adoption is an illustration of God's love for His children.  He chooses us, just like my parents chose me.

It reminds me of a poem that hung on my parent's bedroom wall for many years and now hangs in my home:

Not flesh of my flesh

Nor bone of my bone

But still miraculously my own

Never forget for a single minute

You didn't grow under my heart, but in it.

I am so thankful to my Heavenly Father that He loved me so very much as to provide me the gift of adoption and a life with my wonderful parents.

 

 Blessings,

Meri

Saved Alone

Those two words.

"Saved alone."

Two words full of heartache and pain.  Relaying a story of tragedy and loss.

These are the words that Horatio Spafford, a man who had experienced extensive loss and tragedy already, received from his wife after the ship she and his four daughters had been traveling on was sunk after colliding with another vessel.

When I think of the tragic loss this husband and father suffered, my mind can't help but go to my own girls.  What would I do?  How would I go on?  How could I continue to draw breath on this earth when they were not with me?  My heart aches just thinking about it.

When peace like a river, attendeth my way,
When sorrows like sea billows roll;
Whatever my lot, Thou hast taught me to know,^a
It is well, it is well, with my soul.

But this man speaks of peace!  That is the glory of God's grace in action.  Spafford can write these words with the assurance that he will meet his children again in the presence of the Almighty God.  While the pain and ache of loss will never fully go away as long as we are here on earth, separated from our loved ones who have passed on, Spafford reminds us that our time here is only temporary.  This is not our final destination.

Though Satan should buffet, though trials should come,
Let this blest assurance control,
That Christ has regarded my helpless estate,
And hath shed His own blood for my soul.

I love how he clearly recognizes the source of much of our trouble.  The enemy is at work in this world and it is important we recognize his attacks for just what they are.  But we have the best Defender on our side.  Christ has seen our helplessness in the face of the enemy and He intercedes on our behalf.  He shed His blood for our salvation.

But Lord, 'tis for Thee, for Thy coming we wait,
The sky, not the grave, is our goal;
Oh, trump of the angel! Oh, voice of the Lord!
Blessed hope, blessed rest of my soul.

Spafford clearly has an eternal perspective.  He has focused his heart and soul on an eternity with Christ and his beloved family.  He rests on the promise of a final home in Heaven and realizes that his time here on this earth is only temporary.

One of the challenges I have had with handling my chronic illness is the "chronic" part.  I have found that I can handle almost anything if there is an end in sight, a proverbial "light at the end of the tunnel".  The fact that there is no cure for my illness, no end in sight, no final treatment, has helped me with finding an eternal perspective.  The end of my illness will likely come when I go home to Heaven.  This is not a gloom and doom mentality.  Death is a part of life, it is not an ending, it is a beginning and I will welcome it when God is ready to bring me home.

Blessings,

Meri

Help! I'm Failing as a Homeschooling Mom

There it is.  In my inbox, on my Facebook feed, on my Instagram homepage.  Every day.  Pictures of beautifully decorated (and might I add-sparklingly clean-rooms).  DIY projects, Bible studies I should start (and maybe even finish), great ideas for homeschool field trips, homemade this, handmade that.  They are mocking me.  Reminding me of all of those things I would get to "tomorrow".  Whispering to me that I am still not "good enough" and quite possibly never will be.

Comparison is a joy-killer.  There is no good purpose in holding my life up to what I believe is true of another's life.

Every now and then, in the midst of all of the reminders of what I am not, I find a lifeline.  An article or blog post from a fellow wife/mother/daughter/sister who is in the trenches with me.  A glimmer of truth among all of the shiny lies.  A ray of hope that I am not the only one, that there are others whose dishes don't get washed daily, whose floors are dirty, whose laundry piles seem to multiply rather than disappear, who just have days when the best they can do is go through the motions and pray everyone gets out alive.

What the enemy would have me believe, would have all of us believe, is that the shiny, clean, sparkling pictures presented on social media are the norm.  That those of us who have mismatched socks and piles of laundry are the exception-the ones not cutting it. 

But that is just not true, friend.  Everyone struggles.  Everyone hurts.

I'll be honest-after 2 job losses, 1 move, and dealing with chronic illness on a daily basis, I am just phoning it in when it comes to finishing the homeschool year.   If I can get all 3 kids to complete their computer work each day, I am counting it as a win.  All of the spelling lists, creative projects, and fun field trips I planned to "get done by the end of the school year" have fallen by the wayside.  I am more ready for this school year to end than my kids!  And that's okay.  It's all I have left in me right now and the truth is, I am giving all I have to give.

That's where God's grace comes in.

Grace for the homeschooling mom who's just going through the motions.
Grace for the working mom who just doesn't have anything left at the end of the day.
Grace for the stay at home mom who doesn't know where all the time goes each day.
Grace for the single mom who is worn thin from trying to satisfy the role of 2 parents in 1.
Grace for the mom who travels and whose heart aches to just hold her babies.
Grace for the mom whose children have all left home and is not sure what to do with the emptiness.
Grace for all of us.

Homeschooling Mom, Organic Mom, Working Mom, SAHM, WAHM, Single Mom, Lonely Mom, Traveling Mom, Crunchy Mom, Homesteading Mom.  His grace is sufficient for all of us.

Blessings,
Meri

Circle of Friends

I have always felt that I have a difficult time making and keeping friends.  However, as I study God's word on this subject and experience His love and grace in ways that I never imagined, I believe that God has put people in my life for specific reasons in specific seasons.

I have experienced this type of love in abundance over the past few weeks.  During this painful time in our lives, we have had sweet friends that have helped us pack and moved, listened to me lament and grieve the loss of our home, and encouraged us in this new chapter of our lives.  The concept of "laying down his life" does not necessarily mean a person must literally lose their life and die.  There are many ways friends can set their lives aside to focus on and help one another and I am grateful to have friends who have done this.

I have had dear friends that have come into my life for a season and then time and distance have separated us.  While I grieve the loss of the daily interaction with these women, I am so very grateful for their love and graciousness.  But I also read the words of Isaiah 46:4 "Even to your old age and gray hairs I am He, I am He who will sustain you" and I am comforted to know that I have a friend who will never leave me.  My God is not here for a season, He is here always and His love is never-ending. 

Whether it is a yummy coffee drink on moving day or a simple text message to say "I am thinking of you and praying for you", my friends have sustained me these past few weeks as I struggle to find our new normal. 

I am humbled by the strength and beauty of these women in my life.  They are struggling with their own trials-personal illness, seriously ill children, challenges at work and at home, financial burdens, emotional burdens-but they find the time to reach out of their personal pain and say "I will suffer with you, I will take on your burden and you take mine and together we will move forward and rejoice".

Call a friend today.  Go first. Tell them you love them.  Stop by. Text message them.  Pray for them.  Be transparent and honest.  Cry on their shoulder.  This is what God designed friends for-so that His love would shine through.

Blessings,
Meri

Special thanks to: Renee, Megan, Meridith, Missy, Tammy, Stephanie & Kerri.  I love you ladies and wouldn't want to do life without you!

The One Who Sees Me

 Jehoveh El Roi: The God who sees.  These words bring comfort to me today.  The God who sees: my pain, my fears, my grief, my disappointment, my guilt, my frustration.  My God sees all of that.  As I curl up on my bed, body racked by sobs that I can no longer hold back, He sees me.  Insignificant, broken, wretched me.  He covers me in His amazing grace and welcomes me to find rest and peace in who He is. 

See, that's how my God works.  He sees my pain and he moves closer, not away.  He is not a God that hold's me at arm's length.  He does not say to me, "you made this bed and now you must lie in it";  He lies down beside me.  He does not abandon me to my own mistakes; He draws me near and encourages me to rest.

I feel broken these days.  I am depleted-emotionally, physically, spiritually.  I desire nothing more than to crawl up in the lap of my Heavenly Father and be held in His powerful arms.  My heart is heavy, my body broken.  Yet, He does not move away from me.  He draws me in.  He comforts me.  He invites my tears.  Where most would turn from me, He turns toward me. 

The beauty in all this mess is the work He is doing in my marriage.  He has used this trial to show me who He is in my husband.  Rick has been His arms wrapping around me, drawing me near to comfort me.  Rick has moved closer and whispered in my ear, "you are beautiful and I love you," even when I feel guilty and broken.  Rick has invited me to be near him and said to me, "this is our life and our home and we will weather this storm together, I will not leave you or forsake you".  God has used my husband to be His messenger, His proxy in my daily life, the living, breathing instrument of a Holy God.

In this verse in Isaiah, God promises us restoration and redemption.  He is comforting my waste places through a marriage redeemed.  He sees my barren, dry soul and instead of condemnation, He offers living water to restore my wilderness so that it is "like Eden"!  He promises that I will find my voice of song, I will feel gladness and joy again!

I want to be joyful now, but I am finding contentment in the "in between" by resting in my Savior.  I want the restoration to be instant, but I am comforted by the promise that it will come, even if it is not right now.  In the meantime, God has provided for me in the form of a godly husband who is the living extension of God's love for me.

Blessings,
Meri

Moved In (Sort Of)

So we are moved in to our new/old home.  Well sort of.

We are here.  The dog is here. The furniture is here.  There are a LOT of boxes here.  But, not all of our stuff is here.

This is the challenge of trying to move a family of 5 from a 2400 sq ft ranch-style home with an open floor-plan that was built in 2012, to a 1800 sq ft home built in the 1930s.  It is a work in progress and will likely remain that way for the next couple of weeks.

So we are living in this strange kind of limbo.  We seem to have moved from the limbo of living in one house knowing we were moving, to living in another house with part of our lives left behind.  There has been a lot to adjust to.  More than I thought, more than I planned for.  The girls seem to have just slid right in to our new life here.  They had their beds set up and covered in "stuffies" on the very first day of moving.

It took a little longer, but I managed to get all of the boxes out of at least 1 room and get it "set up" for daily life yesterday (3 days after the big moving day).

The dining room, however, still looks like this.

Barrett was very helpful

...or not.

We discovered one of the great benefits to living in the city...

....pizza delivery!

I made sure to get some touches of home put up pretty quickly to help with our transition:

This sweet gift (Numbers 6:24) was from a dear friend back in Virginia, it has hung in 4 houses in the past 6 years and reminds us that we are always home and can never travel further than God's love.

...and then there is this.

We are still trying to find our place here in our new city, but we are together and there is love here.  God is pruning us, refining us, and cutting away the excess to reveal something beautiful-a reflection of His love.  In our weakness, He is great.  In our time of helplessness, He is glorified.  In our pain, He comforts us.  We are never alone, we are never lost-He is always there, waiting for us to reach out and to recognize our desperate hunger can only be filled by His grace and love.

Blessings,
Meri