"You are handling this so well"
"I don't know how you do it"
The truth is that I am not strong, I am not handling the loss of my son well, and I don't know how to do it.
I have a husband and two daughters that I have to be there for. I am fighting to keep my family together. I am doing everything to help them heal, or at least try to move forward.
But inside, I am crumbling.
I cry in my office when I hear music that reminds me of Logan. I cry in my bedroom when no one is in there. I cry in the bathroom. I cry in the shower. But, I always cry alone.
I don't know if it's a result of the "fix your face and hide your crazy" mentality I grew up with. Or maybe I am still in complete denial. Or maybe I am suppressing my feelings in order to be strong for my family.
If everyone grieves in their own way, why do I feel like I am doing it wrong?
Time does not heal all wounds. I am just trying to adapt to living without Logan and I can't seem to get any momentum. I think about him every day, probably every hour, or even every minute. There is an empty chair at our table and no one will ever be able to fill it.
I do not know how to do this, but I keep pushing forward.
Blessings,
Meri
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