Dear Papa

I lost my grandfather, my Papa, 20 years ago this year.  I wish I had been able to tell him everything I wanted to say, but I didn't.  So here is what I wish I had said...

Dear Papa,

I miss you so much. Every day.

Remember that boy with the wandering hands that you didn't like so much because you thought he was more likely to "buy beer than milk for the baby"?  He asked me to marry him. Next month we will celebrate 17 years of marriage (and he doesn't drink beer and is an amazing father).  I think you would like and approve of the man he has become.  He has taken good care of your girl.

God has blessed us with 3 beautiful children here and 1 that went straight to Heaven's nursery.  Do you know her? I don't know how the whole Heaven thing works, but I hope you know her.  I pray that you have a little piece of me there with you until I come home.

You would love all 3 of them, Papa.  Logan likes to hunt and loves guns and knives. He is your kind of boy, Papa.  And he bears your name...Logan Edward, a name he is proud of.  Emma looks just like me when I was a kid.  She is smart and funny and so sweet. Mackenzie reminds me so much of Gama.  She would have been another Puddin'-I always loved that nickname.  She loves horses and there is not a mean bone in her body.

Parenting is hard, Papa.  Some days I wish I could talk to you about it.  You always had such good advice, usually disguised as a story about one of the fascinating parts of your own life.  I just pray that they grow up to be good people. Kind people. People like you, Papa.

I guess you know...we lost Michelle and Cliff since you have been gone.  I guess Momma and I are the only ones left, Papa.  I am afraid to lose her, but I know that it is inevitable.  I don't want to be alone.  I feel like I can't live with one more hole in my heart where a loved one used to be.

It's hard, Papa. Knowing I will be last. Missing you. But I hold on to all of the beautiful, happy memories I have of you and I share them with my children.  So, in a way, you live on....

I love you, Papa. I'm sorry I didn't say all of the things that needed to be said before you left.  But I guess it really comes down to "I love you". That's what I want you to know. Always and forever.

With love and tears, your granddaughter-the Monster.

Blessings y'all.
-Meri