As we are rapidly approaching my daughter’s 4th show season (she shows Saddlebred horses), I can’t help but think of all that her big brother has missed.
See, grieving a child is not about the memories. It is about
all of the memories you will never share. All of the events that you will miss
out on. All of the life that was left unlived.
My daughter competed in her first show on the day before we
held Logan’s memorial service. She did extremely well taking 2nd and
4th places in her classes. She was not quite 10 years old and was
competing in 9-10 WT (9-10 year olds
competing in walk and trot).
This year we will be starting her 4th show
season. She will be competing in 11-13 WTC (11-13 year olds competing in walk,
trot and canter). It will be her 2nd year in this division and she
has looked amazing in lessons.
It is so hard to believe that Logan has never been a part of
this horse-show world that we are so deeply involved in now. I can imagine he
would have been her biggest fan (and probably would have had some choice words
when he felt she was judged unfairly).
Our barn family is comprised of the people that are our
closest circle. We love them fiercely and love us in return. Logan would have
been a welcome addition to our “Island of Misfit Toys”.
In so many ways, I feel stuck in my life. But, on the other
hand, I often feel guilty that we have this whole part of life that Logan was
never a part of.
We are back from our first “big” show of the season. Our
daughter had 3 great rides. She placed in all of her classes and was showing in
the 11-17 WTC division. She is only 13 and this is only her second year in WTC
and she held her own against some stiff competition. She even placed 4th
in the championship class!
We are planning to try a new horse for the next show (which
is in 3 short weeks!) so she has a lot of training to do between now and then,
but I know she will do amazing!
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