Three Strikes And I am Out

I have been short-tempered and anxious since the minute my husband's alarm went off for the 5th time this morning. The plan was for him to get up and take Emma to counseling and me to stay in bed a little while longer. But that didn't happen.

After reminding him to get up 3 times, he finally started moving, but not before asking me to go upstairs and wake Emma up. Now, that sounds like no big deal, and truthfully, it shouldn't be. But my plan was to stay in bed, not trudge up the steps, half-awake, to wake up a tween who didn't want to go to counseling to begin with.

Then Emma's riding lesson time was changed to 3 pm so she went back to school after her appointment at which time I anticipated my husband (who was off today) would be coming home. I thought we had discussed that, while I was working, he was going to knock out some of the household chores. But that didn't happen.

Instead, he was gone until just before he had to take Emma to riding. Just enough time to come in, say hello and then walk right back out the door.

STRIKE 2

I have slowly been working through our laundry with a new goal of not doing more than I can get washed, dried and put away in one day (I know, I know...but a mom can dream, right?). So as I pulled the last load out of the dryer I noticed it had 2 or 3 items that belonged to the girls and I thought I would be nice and just put them away myself. But that didn't happen.

I walked upstairs to be greeted by what appeared to be an audition for an episode of Hoarder's. The bathroom was a mess, clothes were every and there were 2 full baskets of clothes that are yet to be determined if they are clean or dirty (which means I will likely end up washing clean clothes a second time, which is my favorite thing e.v.e.r.)

.After 6 weeks of keeping it together, taking my children's grief into consideration and loosening the reigns (possibly a little too much), I lost it. Completely. Utterly. Red-faced screaming.

...and there's the snap.

I am not proud about this. I don't want to be that mom, and I'm not that mom....at least not all the time. But this is who I was for those moments today. And it's okay. But not acceptable. It's forgivable, but not if it happens over and over.

We all have our off days (sometimes weeks, maybe even months) that go with only a smattering of bright spots throughout. But we have to forgive ourselves for these moments (and in my case tonight, I had to ask forgiveness from my daughter).

Nothing about raising a tween girl is easy. N.O.T.H.I.N.G.

But, God never promised us parenting would be easy, He just promised us that it is worth every moment-even the painful ones.

Blessings,
Meri