Shaken

Shaken.

This describes the feeling I have had over the past few months.

My faith in God-shaken (not lost, just shaken).

My faith in Christianity & Religion-shaken.

My understanding of life-shaken.

My plans for the future-shaken.

In short, I feel like a dry martini ordered by James Bond....shaken, not stirred.

I have been told I am open and honest, sometimes brutally so. So I will not be surprised if there are people who are offended by this.

I have been startled, and hurt, by the number of people who initially poured support into us after the death of our son in January that have now all but disappeared from our lives.

Grief is a lonely place. It is difficult to reach out and ask for help. It is uncomfortable to say "no, I am not okay". I think it is human nature to not make others uncomfortable. And in doing that, we have become prisoners of our own grief and loneliness.

But this has taught me something. This has made me see my faith from a different perspective. I know that I am loved and valuable to God, regardless of what others see or do not see in me. I am not limited by other's opinions and judgments.

Jesus loves me and my tattoos.

I love God, and I swear a little.

My music choices do not play on K-Love.

I enjoy a good game of Cards Against Humanity.

I think Deadpool is one of the funniest movies ever and I can't wait to see the sequel.

So-all of this shaking has maybe been a good thing. I don't doubt that God loves me and I know that I love Him. And that is enough.

Blessings,
Meri