See, work is an escape for me lately. It's easy. There are no difficult emotions, No hurt feelings. It is just business for me.
I also must confess that I have stayed off the blog for quite some time because I had started to feel like people didn't care to read what I had to say.
However, I have something I desperately need to say to whomever happens to read this.
This 11 month journey of grief since losing our son on 1.2.18 has been the longest, hardest path I have ever had to walk.
I have questioned my faith.
I have questioned my marriage.
I have questioned my life.
I have questioned my sanity.
I have spoken before of the loneliness that comes with grief. In the beginning, friends and family and even strangers are there to support you with meals and cards and phone calls and home visits. But after a while that tapers off, sometimes rather abruptly.
Don't worry, this is not another post about how lonely or abandoned I have felt (although those things are true).
This is a confession. A confession of my bitterness towards those who I used to call "friend" or even "family".
As I struggled through this mess of grief and sorrow, I grew bitter that so very few were willing to reach out to me, to us. I was hurt that my phone didn't ring or my calls and texts went unreturned or unanswered. I didn't understand why people were always too busy to find time for us or include us.
But, I have decided this has to stop.
It doesn't make any of those things less hurtful, but by not allowing them to control my emotions, I takes away their power in my life.
It is the end of my bitterness.
There are people who have stuck by us through every step of this journey so far and continue to love and support us. You know who you are, and we are so grateful for you.
And if you are one of those that have fallen out of our lives, that's okay, too. Sometimes the grief, or just our spicy family, is too much.
Blessings,
Meri
