Thursday, June 30, 2016
This week you would be 5 years old.
I can imagine we would have had cake and ice cream, maybe a trip to Build-a-Bear.
I am confident you would be sweet and precocious and a joy to your older siblings as well as your father and I.
When it is quiet at night, like tonight, and everyone is asleep, I can almost hear the pitter-patter of your little feet running through the house and your sweet, melodic giggles.
There is a hole in my heart that will never be filled. At least not in my lifetime here on earth. Every day I grieve your loss. I grieve the life that I had growing inside me, but never got to hold. I grieve the loss of all of the wonderful memories we would have made. I grieve the loss of your life here on earth. But, I know you are in a better place.
I believe that my sweet grandparents, who never got to meet your brother and sisters, are there with you, and this brings me great comfort.
It has been over 5 years since we got the devastating news that you would not be born alive here on earth. I will never stop grieving. I will never be whole. But I will be okay. And I will have joy and peace even in the face of such loss and grief.
Happy Birthday, baby girl!
Until we meet again,