Broken Into Beautiful: Post 7

"You intended to harm me, but God intended it for good to accomplish what is now being done, the saving of many lives." -Genesis 50:20

 

Joseph knew broken.  Sold by his own brothers into slavery, wrongly convicted of assaulting Potiphar's wife, forgotten by the king's cupbearer. He had cornered the market on broken.

But he is also an excellent example of God picking up the pieces of a broken life and restoring them into something even more beautiful than the original.  Joseph was redeemed by God and esteemed by the Pharaoh to a position of power that allowed him to save the lives of many people, including his own family.

God uses, and even needs our broken pieces-past scars, present sufferings, sinful past-to redefine our lives.  We do not have to be defined by these things, but we do have to let God use them to redeem us.  We are a constant work in progress. 

 

 

 

"Our restoration will be complete in the presence of God when we see Him face to face." 

-Gwen Smith

 

"When suffering shatters the carefully kept vase that is our lives, God stoops to pick up the pieces.  But He doesn't put them back together as a restoration project patterned after our former selves.  Instead, He sifts through the rubble and selects shards as raw material for another project-a mosaic that tells the story of redemption." 

-Ken Gire (The North Face of God)

 

What God has in store for us, what God can create from the broken pieces, is far more beautiful than anything we could possibly create on our own.

 

And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love Him, who have been called according to His purpose.

-Romans 8:28- 

The Truth of the Matter

So here is the truth.  I don't want to move.

Despite my upbeat excitement (for the most part) and positive attitude about the new house.  Despite the fact that I truly love the new house we will be renting.  Despite the fact that I knew this day was coming for many months now.  Despite the fact that God has been preparing my heart for this very moment.  Despite all of this, I am sad.

We built this home, designed it the way we wanted it specifically for our family.  We had plans to finish the upstairs, replace carpet with wood floors, paint more rooms, work on the landscaping, and just spend the next rest of our life making this house our home.

When we moved in, our youngest was 4....now she is a very smart and funny 7-year old.  For almost 3 years we have watched our children grow in this house.  We have hosted our family for Christmas each year since we moved in, and planned to do so for many years to come.

I know that this house is just that, a house....wood, drywall, stone, brick.  Nothing more.  I truly believe what I tell my children-home is anywhere we are all together.  My head knows this, but my heart just won't catch on.

It's little moments that are the hardest for me.  Folding laundry in my dream laundry room (I love doing laundry in there....I know, weird).  Going to bed in the first master bedroom we ever made a true sanctuary for ourselves (we always focused on other areas of the house first).  Putting clothes away in the girls bedroom.  Watching the kids jump on the trampoline in the backyard.

I believe that God has a plan for us and wants only good for us.  I am excited to start our lives in our new home, new city, new neighborhood.  I am excited to live missionally.  But I am hurting inside as well.  I am willing and ready to go where God leads, but it is hard and that's the truth of the matter.

Blessings,
Meri

Dirty Dishes

I was frustrated.  We needed groceries, but I do not have a car to go to the store while my husband is at work.  All of the dishes (well, it seemed like all) were dirty and piled in the sink.  The dishwasher hadn't been run last night, so it was just getting started.  It was rainy and gloomy...and so was my mood.

I started to type a text message to my husband to gently seek his support...okay, to whine.  But then I stopped.  There was a solution to this problem and it was in my grasp.  I chose to change the lens through which I was viewing my day.

I found frozen ground beef in the back freezer and the makings for spaghetti sauce in the pantry....dinner-done.  I then turned on my some worship music and gathered the girls to the kitchen.  I am blessed to have sweet girls that find washing dishes by hand fun (they also like making beds....shhhh, no one tell them this is work and maybe they will keep doing it!).  We started an assembly line of wash, dry, put away and sang along to the music while we chatted about all kinds of silly things.  It was the magic of ordinary.

Sometimes it just takes changing the lens through which we view a situation to change our whole day.  I chose to look at my day through the lens of God's blessings today, and it was a great change!

Blessings,
Meri

Names of God: Jehovah-Jireh (Yahweh-Yireh)

And Abraham called the name of that place “The Lord provides.” It is said to this day, “In the mountain of the Lord provision will be made.” 

Genesis 22:14

I love this name for my Heavenly Father.  One of the main roles in life of a father is to provide for his children, and the same is true for our Father in Heaven.  He is our provider of all things we need. 

I was blessed to grow up with a father who provided abundantly for our family.  He is wise and responsible with his finances and an excellent steward of what God has given him (sadly, that is apparently not a genetic trait I inherited).  I remember growing up both of my parents working very hard to teach me the difference between needs and wants...I tend to be a slow learner, so I still struggle with this despite the best efforts of my parents!  Our idea of what we need, is not always God's plan, but God's plan is always best.

In the almost 15 years of our marriage, Rick and I have struggled financially.  But somehow, through all of our ups and downs, God as always provided for us.  But, it is was not until the past few years that I truly understood the meaning of Jehovah-Jireh, the provider.  It is not only about providing for our daily living and physical needs; He provides comfort to the heartbroken, He provides friends to the lonely, He provides counsel through mentors and parents to those of us who seem to need constant counseling (guilty!), He restores relationships at the right moment.  He provides for ALL of our needs.

In the context of Genesis 22:14, Abraham is specifically referring to God's provision of the lamb for sacrifice in place of Isaac.  John Calvin interpreted this as "God not only looks upon those who are His, but also makes His help manifest to them."  Another interpretation of this reference is "Man's extremity is God's opportunity."

I can think of several situations in my life when God has made His help manifest to me.  A few years ago, not long after we moved to North Carolina, my husband and I were both working full-time and struggling with putting our children in day-care. (Please do not think this is a comment on dual-income families that utilize some form of childcare, we have been in all types of situations and have found that having a parent home is what works best for our family.  This by no means indicates that other options are unacceptable).  We made the decision that my husband would quit his job and pursue his education full-time while staying home with our 3 children.  It was a tough decision that would require sacrifice on our part, but it was important for us to have a parent home full-time.  On Sunday, Rick notified his boss he was quitting; on Monday, I got a job offer (completely out of the blue) that would increase my salary by 20%.  That was Jehoveh-Jireh providing!

I am thankful for my Heavenly Father, specifically in His role as the Great Provider, Jehoveh-Jireh.

Blessings,

Meri

Broken Into Beautiful-Post 6

"But we have this treasure in jars of clay to show that this all-surpassing power is from God and from us.  We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed."
2 Corinthians 4:7-9

In the past 12 months, I have watched the American dream (new house, 2 nice cars, 2 good jobs, plenty of tech gadgets, etc.) that Rick and I worked 14 years to build, crumble down around me.  At first I desperately tried to save what I could, then I tried to figure out how to rebuild it.  I bargained, negotiated, searched desperately for a way back.

Finally, I surrendered it to God.  

"And I heard the voice of the Lord saying, 'Whom shall I send, and who will go for us?'. Then I said, 'Here I am, send me!'."

Isaiah 6:8

For several years, since Rick started his journey towards a Bible degree (which he obtained May 2014 from Piedmont International University...and continues now towards his MBA from Liberty University), we have felt that our family had a future in ministry.  In the beginning of the journey, I thought I would become a supportive, loving wife of a man in full-time ministry.  Then we considered missions, and I prayed fervently we would be called to a mission field with running water and air conditioning.  As Rick continued his studies and then graduated we waited for direction.  And waited.  And waited some more.

During the waiting, I started to think...Am I really willing to go wherever God sends me?  Anywhere?  Even if there is no air conditioning?

And then the bottom fell out.  We had our answer.  Our mission field is wherever we are.  We don't have to wait for a mission board to approve and send us somewhere (not that there is anything wrong with that particular process).  

We are giving up our country house and moving to a more urban area.  We, as a family, will share the gospel with whomever we encounter.  We will live missionally by caring for friends, neighbors and anyone else we encounter.  We will show the love of Christ as we go about our daily lives.

Through trials God has brought me closer to Him.  I have learned lessons I could not learn under any other circumstances.

I want to stop pouring effort into building MY dream and start pouring out God's love to those around me.  I want to be done asking "What's in this for me?" and instead ask "Houw can God use me in this situation?".

"In all things, even the hard things, God is sovereign and can be trusted." -Gwen Smith

I am learning to trust Him wholly with my future, and my present.

"Being confident in God does not make the pain less deep, but less broad." -John Piper

One of my favorite verses that has been written on my heart for years now is Ephesians 3:20:

"Now unto him who is able to far more than all we ask or think, according to the power at work within us." 

 I love the promise of this verse, that God can take my wildest dreams and surpass them with His plans for me.

Blessings,

Meri

Broken Into Beautiful-Post 5

These things I have spoken to you, that in Me you may have peace.

In the world you will have tribulation,

but be of good cheer, I have overcome the world.

-John 16:33-

I believe the Bible to true in its entirety.  Every word.  So when Jesus tells me that I will have tribulations in this world, I believe it.  And at 36 years of age (...gasp! when did that happen), I have experienced some tribulations.  But moreover, I have seen the people of this world-God's world, God's people-suffer trials and tribulations that leave me speechless (and believe me, I am rarely speechless-just ask my family).  

God can take us to the mountaintop in life, but we often find ourselves (through God's purpose or our own missteps) in the valley of emptiness.

Some of my personal valleys have seemed almost endless:

• The loss of our Baby Sophie in 2010
• Job losses in 2014
• Giving up the home we built to be our "forever home"
• Loss of relationships-especially when it is due to hurtful words or experiences
• Financial struggles (this particular valley still seems pretty endless!)
• Marital conflict 
• Chronic illness and pain

These are just a few of the trials that I have experienced in the past few years.  Don't misinterpret this as a "whine-session".  I am not seeking sympathy-my blessings far outweigh the tribulations in my life and many of my blessings are a direct result of trials I have gone through.

"When doubt, fear, anxiety, anger, and insecurity consume our hearts, emptiness takes up grand amounts of space." -Gwen Smith

When I first read this I had a hard time grasping the idea of emptiness filling up space.  However, as I continued to read and mull over the concept, it started to make more sense to me, especially when I think if emptiness as air.  Our hearts can be like a balloon, and when filled with the emptiness of doubt, fear, anxiety, anger and insecurity, there is no room left for love, compassion, kindness or anything else for that matter.

I struggled with significant doubt, insecurity and anxiety when I was younger.  The emptiness that this caused led me to premarital sex, feelings of inadequacy (especially when it came to friendships and my relationship with my parents), and foolish financial decisions (still working on this one), drug and alcohol abuse, and other irresponsible and sometimes dangerous choices.

I was filling up my hurting heart with worldly emptiness.

It was not until I understood the difference between what the world was offering me and what God had to offer that I started releasing the empty air and allowing it to be filled with that difference-love.

The world offers us destruction from the enemy, God offers healing.

The world offers emptiness and death, God offers unconditional love and forgiveness.

The world tells us we are destined to be eternally bad, God offers us eternal goodness.

The world offers rejection, brokenness, and pain, God offers acceptance, love and hope.

The world tells us lies, God is truth.

I love the story of Hannah in 1 Samuel.  This story has been a source of hope for me during times when I suffered infertility, miscarriage, and secondary infertility.  I have found Hannah to be a beautiful and humble example of a Proverbs 31 woman.  She truly was a woman after God's heart.  

Three things strike me about how Hannah dealt with her struggle with barrenness:

1. She cried out to God.
2. She poured out her shame and emptiness.
3. She spent serious, focused time praying to and worshiping the Lord.

"Hannah was 'no longer downcast' because she experienced the one and only life-changing God in the chamber of His presence.  She welcomed God's peace to the extent that she did not withhold worship in her trial."-Gwen Smith

Hannah's depression was not relieved when she conceived Samuel.  Her heart was lifted up once she met with God in the most honest, transparent way possible.  She poured out the emptiness that was filling her heart so that God could fill it with hope and love.

"God can handle your anger, but be careful not to withhold your worship from Him.  He is worthy in everything whether He chooses to give or take away." -Gwen Smith

Love & Prayers,
Meri

He Is Risen

In homes across America today, smiling, laughing, hyper-excited children squealed with joy as they discovered the baskets full of candy, toys, and other goodies surrounded by bright plastic grass left by the Easter Bunny.  There are cries of "Mommy, Daddy! Look what I got!".  These are exciting moments for children and we love to give our children exciting moments which usually are the result of giving them "things".

Today in in our house there are no baskets full of goodies, there was no egg hunt this weekend, there are no bunnies made of chocolate (insert sad face here....I love me some chocolate!), there are no egg-shaped candies, there are no pictures of perfectly-groomed children (or children screaming in terror) sitting on the lap of an over-sized pink bunny.  There aren't even little girls in new fluffy, pastel dresses and shiny white shoes (and I love to dress up my little girls-even though the pastel colors usually turn rusty orange at some point during the day...thank you NC clay!).

There is only this:

Now on the first day of the week, very early in the morning,

they, and certain other with them, came to the tomb 

bringing the spices which they had prepared.

But they found the stone rolled away from the tomb. 

Then they went in and did not find the body of the Lord Jesus.

And it happened, as they were greatly perplexed about this,

that, behold, two men stood beside them in shining garments.

Then, as they were afraid and bowed their faces to the earth,

they aid to them,

"Why do you seek the living among the dead?"

"He is not here, but is risen!  

Remember how He spoke to you when He was still in Galilee saying, 

"The Son of Man must be delivered into the hands of sinful men, 

and be crucified, 

and the third day rise again."

And they remembered His words.

Please do not misunderstand, I am not judging the way anyone celebrates the Easter season.  We have spent a fair share of years hunting eggs, scrambling to put together baskets late on Saturday night (we tend to be procrastinators...), forcing adorable and uncomfortable clothing on reluctant children.  This is simply a choice we have made this year to focus fully and ONLY on the message of the gospel.

Love and blessings,

Meri