Monday, February 12, 2018

Fallout

Let's talk for a minute about the fallout of a family tragedy....specifically our family tragedy, the death, by suicide, of our son on January 2, 2018.

There are the obvious repercussions:
  • Grief
  • Anger
  • Pain
  • Sadness
  • Tears
  • Feeling incomplete
Then there are other repercussions. Fallout that we did not expect and are not quite sure how to deal with.

What I am referring to is bullying. (I know the 2 don't seem to go together, but stick with me here).

My son was 15 when he took his life. His sister is 12.  They shared mutual friends. Many of his friends have younger siblings that go to school with our daughter. We knew this from the beginning and tried to control the news of Logan's death to the best of our ability. It is our story to tell and we wanted to make sure it was told the right way.

However, since our daughter has returned to school, she has been bullied. A student left a note in her locker between classes calling her a "dirty brother killer". She is frequently referred to at school as the sister of the kid who killed himself. Today she showed me a message on one of her social media accounts asking her why she killed her brother.

As a parent, I am furious. I am angry. I am incensed.

She is suffering terribly from the loss of her brother. We are doing everything we can as her parents to help her. The school is doing it's best to manage the issues on campus.



But, I feel helpless. I want to sit down with the parents of these kids and their children and find out why they think this is acceptable behavior. I pray daily that my girls would never treat anyone this way, but I am painfully aware of how little control we parents have as our children get older and spend more time away from our protective presence.

This is what I will tell you.
  • Monitor you children's social media accounts.
  • Make sure you have ALL usernames and passwords.
  • Limit screen time.
  • Talk to your children about the dangers of social media and what they should do if they are being bullied (on the web or in person).
  • Limit screen time. (Yes, I am aware that it's on the list twice).
  • Know their friends, and the parents of their friends.
  • If they cannot use social media responsibly, cut them off. Allow for the possibility of earning the privilege back.
  • Make sure they are clear that cell phones and social media accounts are privileges, not rights.
This was not something I thought we would have to deal with, but we are stuck right in the middle of it. Unfortunately, Emma's age group can be downright vicious and cruel.  They rarely understand the consequences of their actions and even if they do, they rarely concern themselves with anything that does not directly cause them pain or punishment.

No bullying is okay. Ever.

Blessings,
Meri

1 comment:

  1. It's very sad how some kids act. I will continue to keep you all in my prayers. Bonez

    ReplyDelete

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