What Now?

So now the initial shock and horror of Logan's suicide has passed. We have had his funeral. The bustle and activity of family and making arrangements has all stopped.

Now it's quiet. It's just us. Minus one.

What's next? How do we go about our daily lives with this gaping hole in our family?

I have been told that we will learn to find our "new normal".  But, I was not particularly fond of that term. Don't misunderstand, it's not offensive to me and may work for other people finding themselves walking this path of grief. But we have never been a particularly "normal" family, we are what you might call a "spicy" family. So finding any kind of normal is not really something that appeals to me.

Then I found the following quote:

That is what we are doing. Remaking life.

The life we knew for 15 years is over. It ended in one terrible moment after Logan's long battle with mental illness. I can't change that reality.

Tonight we went out to dinner for the first time as a family since Logan passed away. When asked how many in our party, we said 4. Not 5.

We were seated at a table for 5 anyways and the empty seat was a painful reminder that we will never again be a  party of five. But, at the end of the meal, we raised our glasses and toasted our sweet son and brother-gone but never forgotten.

So this is our new chapter. Remaking life. One experience at a time. One moment at a time. One day at a time. Eventually the days will turn into months and then years. We will never forget Logan, but we will learn how to remake our lives without his daily presence.

Blessings,
Meri