I know that many times that our 10 yo becomes whiny and frustrated it is because she doesn't really know how to process all of the feelings she has about the passing of her brother. Thankfully she finds great solace at the barn and riding horses.
Our 12 yo daughter is another story. She has deep feelings of guilt and some symptoms of PTSD. She has started cutting on her arms. She isolates herself from the rest of the family and is always tired. I don't know how to help her. I do remember being her age and that most of what my parents said went in one proverbial ear and out the other.
The other night, after a family counseling session, my oldest daughter, Emma, knocked over a full glass of sweet tea all over a drawer full of knickknacks. I completely flipped out. Even as I was yelling, I knew I was handling the situation incorrectly. I knew I was being irrational and that it was truly just an accident.
But wait, it gets better (well worse, then better). I proceeded to engage in an argument with Emma that was the same argument I had had with Logan at least 100 times. An argument I knew would not end well. I was in pain. She was in pain. We were both behaving badly.
But in the aftermath, we hugged each other tight for several minutes, neither one wanting to let go, and I apologized for my behavior and she apologized for hers. I spoke love to her, and she reciprocated.
This is not the end of this story. There will be days like this again. And I will make mistakes. And she will be defiant. But we will get through this-one day at a time.
That fine line we are walking right now will gradually become wider and more clearly defined. But, love will always be our top priority-whether it is loving by showing grace, or loving through discipline.
Blessings,
Meri
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