I know it sounds silly, especially since we did not approve of smoking, but I knew Logan smoked cigarettes occasionally and I wondered if that was one of his that he had left behind.
We went to a friends' house last weekend and had a wonderful time eating a delicious meal and playing cards. The plan after that was to watch Deadpool (one of Logan's favorite movies). About halfway through, our 12 yo daughter (please hold you judgment about the fact our 12 yo was watching Deadpool) told us she wanted to go home because she couldn't watch anymore because it reminded her of Logan. So we left.
At the barn this week, a couple of the "barn moms" were talking about how their children are approaching the age when they can drive and how that made them nervous. My heart ached because Logan passed away before he could get his driver's license.
Working in my office one morning, I had to stop because a song on Logan's playlist had unleashed a barrage of tears.
I am finding it is not the "major milestones" that impact me the most, maybe because I have time to mentally prepare for those days. Instead, it is the little things, the everyday, inconsequential things that I would have probably not even given a second thought to before his death. Now those have become reminders (sometimes painful) of the gaping absence in our lives.
I know that one day, this will become easier. It won't ever be easy and the pain will never be absent, but it will not take center stage in our lives forever. And someday, the memories will bring a smile to my face instead of tears streaming down my face.
I will always miss him.
Blessings,
Meri
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