She Laughs Without Fear

A common phrase in the Bible is "fear not" or "do not be afraid".  I have read so many passages that start with this commandment from God. My mind understands why we should not fear the future, in fact Proverbs 31:25 describing the ideal woman states "she laughs without fear of the future".

But something I never expected on this grief journey is fear. I am not always afraid, but I am battling fear of what feels like such an uncertain future.

When your world is rocked by an unimaginable tragedy as ours was on 1.2.18, it feels like you can no longer trust the future to be safe and secure.

I worry that my oldest daughter is headed down the same path her brother walked and that I won't be able to help her, either.

I am fearful that some other type of tragic accident will rip more loved ones from my life.

I am afraid that if I let my walls that I have built come down, that I will not be able to stem the tide of grief and pain that flows forth.

I worry that there is still the potential for this tragedy to tear our family apart.

So, no, I do not laugh without fear of the future. I know I should and I know that God has a plan to use this tragedy to glorify Him.

But right now, right here, I am afraid. And that's okay.

Because at the end of each day, I come back to Him and His word and find peace and solace there.

Blessings,
Meri