Thursday, May 7, 2015

The End of a Dream and the Beginning of Something Better

"Only 2 more sleeps, mommy!"

I am so thankful my youngest child is so excited to move to a new house.  In fact, since we started decorating and moving boxes over, all 3 of my children have become more excited about this new chapter in our lives.

So why did the excited words of my sweet Kenzie cause a sudden, sharp ache in my heart?

I have wandered through each room of the dream house we built with plans to live in it for at least 30 years.  I have touched the walls and remembered the excitement of the days we spent planning, watching it be built, and then moving in.  I look at the fireplace that was a complete surprise, and think-there will be no more fires there for us.  I think about how tomorrow I will likely take my last shower in my huge master bathroom that I loved dearly.  I haven't even wanted to cook in my kitchen that I designed down to the knobs on the drawers and cabinets.  I watch as pieces of our lives here leave forever-the piano sold because we don't have space for it, a couch donated because we can only take 1 with us.  The front rooms are mostly empty now, the kitchen table broken down, the air hockey table disassembled...both ready to be loaded on the truck on Saturday and taken to our new home.

I know God is refining and pruning our lives to bear more fruit.  My head realizes that this house had become an idol to at least me, if not my whole family.  But my heart hurts, not for the loss of the brick and mortar, but for the loss of the dreams and plans we had thought we would live out within these walls.  My heart hurts for my children who don't understand words like mortgage, short sale, and foreclosure-and shouldn't have to.

This last week in this house has been painful, cathartic, peaceful, and sad.  But we are ready.  Ready to move forward, ready to open our hearts and lives to whatever God has for us, ready to leap into the unknown with a known God.