Thursday, May 14, 2015

The One Who Sees Me

 Jehoveh El Roi: The God who sees.  These words bring comfort to me today.  The God who sees: my pain, my fears, my grief, my disappointment, my guilt, my frustration.  My God sees all of that.  As I curl up on my bed, body racked by sobs that I can no longer hold back, He sees me.  Insignificant, broken, wretched me.  He covers me in His amazing grace and welcomes me to find rest and peace in who He is. 

See, that's how my God works.  He sees my pain and he moves closer, not away.  He is not a God that hold's me at arm's length.  He does not say to me, "you made this bed and now you must lie in it";  He lies down beside me.  He does not abandon me to my own mistakes; He draws me near and encourages me to rest.

I feel broken these days.  I am depleted-emotionally, physically, spiritually.  I desire nothing more than to crawl up in the lap of my Heavenly Father and be held in His powerful arms.  My heart is heavy, my body broken.  Yet, He does not move away from me.  He draws me in.  He comforts me.  He invites my tears.  Where most would turn from me, He turns toward me. 

The beauty in all this mess is the work He is doing in my marriage.  He has used this trial to show me who He is in my husband.  Rick has been His arms wrapping around me, drawing me near to comfort me.  Rick has moved closer and whispered in my ear, "you are beautiful and I love you," even when I feel guilty and broken.  Rick has invited me to be near him and said to me, "this is our life and our home and we will weather this storm together, I will not leave you or forsake you".  God has used my husband to be His messenger, His proxy in my daily life, the living, breathing instrument of a Holy God.

In this verse in Isaiah, God promises us restoration and redemption.  He is comforting my waste places through a marriage redeemed.  He sees my barren, dry soul and instead of condemnation, He offers living water to restore my wilderness so that it is "like Eden"!  He promises that I will find my voice of song, I will feel gladness and joy again!

I want to be joyful now, but I am finding contentment in the "in between" by resting in my Savior.  I want the restoration to be instant, but I am comforted by the promise that it will come, even if it is not right now.  In the meantime, God has provided for me in the form of a godly husband who is the living extension of God's love for me.