Thursday, April 2, 2015

...and there's the snap

It was the perfect storm.  Under pressure to get my billing done, exhausted from not sleeping due to severe pelvic pain all night, 2 bickering girls and 1 boy who is the epitome of "give them an inch and they will take a mile".  The funny thing was, it was good news that caused me to blow my lid!

Rick called to let me know we had been approved for the rental house I had fallen in love with and we could meet with the realtor on Monday to work out the details and timeline.  The kids, however, chose this moment to come barging in the house at top volume, full throttle (as usual), not considering I may be on the phone or trying to concentrate on getting my work done.

I lost it.  Yelling and telling the all to get out of my sight and sit on their beds and (here's the best part) read in their Bible's about how good Christian children and families are supposed to act.

Epic fail.

About 10 minutes later, I called them all back together.  I could tell from Kenzie's sad, pouting face, Emma's avoidance of eye contact, and Logan's glaring dagger-eye look that none of them were ready for what I was about to say.  There had not been enough time for the sting of my words and tone to wear down to a manageable level.  Their hearts were not open to what I had to say, but I was ready to say it.

I apologized, but in that "I am sorry you ticked me off so bad I had to blow my lid" kind of way.  Then I teared up as I accused them (my children, these precious gifts entrusted to me by God) of not thinking of anyone but themselves (I know-shocking are selfish), and told them how heartbroken I was that our family could not even figure out how to serve one another, much less others and certainly not God.

Way to go, Momma.  Yell at them, and then break them down.

So part of the reason I blog is to be transparent.  There are so many "super-mom blogs" out there posting pictures of perfectly organized laundry rooms and perfectly-executed Pinterest projects.  But I believe what we need is reality.  The sometimes ugly, often messy, frequently loud, but always grace-filled reality of God's redeeming love.  Without me accepting God's grace and forgiveness for my impression of Mt. Vesuvius, I cannot model that grace for my children and have no hope of helping them understand their need for it.

So, there it is.  The ugly truth of the ugly incident in our house today.  It wasn't the first and I am certain it won't be the last.  But I am certain that God has enough forgiveness and grace for each and every time I call upon His name!