Thursday, April 30, 2015

My Heart Cries Out


Today my heart cries out to You.  You have been with me, beside me every step of the way, through this journey of loss and infertility.  My pain is fresh and my wounds unhealed.  There is an emptiness in me that only You can fill.  I have mistakenly believed throughout this journey that another child would fill that void, but You have corrected my thoughts and led me to understand that only You, Lord, can fulfill me.

I share this prayer with those who are reading this because I believe in Your power.  I have seen it at work in my life and the lives of so many of our friends.  I am calling on the name of Jesus and claiming the power in that name to see my prayers answered.  I understand that Your answer may not be the one I am hoping for, but I know that You have the best plans for me!

I confess that I am cautious and somewhat fearful to be this transparent, to share this innermost struggle with friends and family.  But I gain my strength from You, Lord.  You alone know my heart's desire and the heartbreak that has been my constant companion for 5 years of struggling.  You alone know the pain I feel when my heart wants to celebrate the joy of friends that welcome new life into their families, but that same heart breaks as it is a reminder of our own loss.  You alone know the feelings of guilt at the selfishness of these struggles.

I am opening my heart and soul, Lord, so that others that may be struggling with the same issues or even similar ones, will know they are not alone.  I have fallen into the trap of the enemy of feeling alone in my struggle, I have believed the lie that no one will understand, no one will care, and even worse, people will judge me for how I have felt.

So today, I let that go.  I fully commit to believe that You are a powerful and loving God who is capable of providing my heart's desire.  I will proceed as if my prayer is answered, because I know it is, Lord.